Forgetting Lily Evans
by Imminent Paradox
Summary: -ONESHOT- "Arrogant, vain, big-headed James Potter. It was all his fault that this girl would no longer even acknowledge me- it was all his fault that the girl that I loved could no longer stand to be around me, if even for a moment." Snape's musings.


**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything about Harry Potter...**

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**Forgetting Lily Evans**

Her pale skin glows in the sunlight, her dark red hair twisting and twirling itself in the breeze. She laughs with her friends, and I can hear the sound from where I watch beneath the tree, the noise sounding like the tinkling of bells. Her smile is the only thing I can see.

She's walking with her _friends_- a group that I'm no longer a part of, a generalization that I no longer fit. Not like I'd be caught dead with any of those lowly, vile, moronic filth from Gryffindor. Well… except for her, of course. She's always been that one exception, the one that I could never stand to leave. To hurt.

_But you've already done that._

I wince at the thought, but I can't deny that it's right- she's gone now. To her, I hardly even exist anymore. It's all because of that word… The word I have vowed to never use again.

_Mudblood._

I wince again, but this time, I curse my thoughts- how could I have let that word run through my mind? After all it's done to me… after all that's happened because of it, I still can't help but think of it in those terms. That's her kind… but that one simple word made me lose her forever.

_And Potter. Don't forget Potter._

Of course. James Potter. Arrogant, vain, big-headed James Potter. It was all his fault that this girl would no longer even acknowledge me- it was all his fault that the girl that I loved could no longer stand to be around me, if even for a moment. He liked to watch me suffer. He was the bane of my very existence. He had been jealous, I was sure- after all, I had always been the one who Lily Evans fancied most. Out of the two of us, I was the only one she could even stand to look at.

Was _the only one_.

The thought registered bitterly in my mind. Yes, _was _the only one. But not anymore. Now she couldn't stand to look at me, and if I was seeing things right, I think she was warming up to Potter and his friends more and more with every day. It kills me to notice that. It breaks me apart to see that small shadow of a smile ghost across his face when he decides to be a smartarse, it completely destroys me when she laughs at one of his comments.

It hurts even more to know that she might see something more in that man than she could ever see in me. To her, I am just an old face with a head full of evil intentions. Does she even notice the way I look at her? Does she see my overwhelming feelings in my eyes? Does she care? Does-

_Does it matter?_

I sigh and settle myself against the gnarled trunk of the tree. I silently watch her as she grows nearer and nearer to where I rest, and I hope that she'll look at me for even just a moment. _Pray_ that for maybe even one second, she'll acknowledge my very existence. I feel like a kid again, back when I used to watch her from afar, before she even knew what she was. Back when she used to play innocently at the playground, having no idea why she could do what she did…

Suddenly, I feel something watching me. I glance up and notice to almond-shaped eyes, glinting green in the midday sun. They were looking at me, capturing my own. They were not appraising; they were not cold or calculating or bitter or nasty. And yet, they weren't welcoming either. Instead, they were blank, except for that one little shard of familiarity that they held, something that told me that she too was thinking back to the old days, back when we were friends…

"Lily," I mouth inaudibly, and I could feel my lips tremble at that word.

I can almost imagine her saying my own name in her head. _"Sev," _she would think. _"That's Sev."_ I wish that she would say it aloud, say it so that I could hear my name float sweetly from her lips. And for a moment there, as she opened her mouth slightly, I almost thought she was going to.

But she simply looks away and back to her friends, laughing at something one of them had said. She never looks back, but for that moment, I try not to care- from that one look, I could tell that she remembers me. From that one look, I could tell that she almost misses me. And though that thought makes me feel so much better, I know that it's going to make it harder and harder to forget Lily Evans.

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**A/N: Hello everyone! This is my first try at a fanfiction. I'm on fictionpress, and I heard about this site, so I thought "Eh... why not?" :) I'm sorry if it's incredibly boring- I was just rereading the Deathly Hallows last night, and I got to the part with Snape's memories... yeah. So it made me really want to write this, because I felt so bad for him.**

**Anyway, tell me what you think? Good/bad feedback is always appreciated, so then I can know what I should work on.**

**Thanks everyone! Have an awesome day ^^**

**~Imminent Paradox**


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